New Couples Counseling
Or Premarital Counseling
Or Premarital Counseling
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(by Paul Lohkamp, MSW, LCSW)
This is a brief counseling program (6-8 sessions) for engaged couples or couples wishing to improve their new
relationship. The program provides an intake or evaluation along with four lessons or sections, which will take one or two
sessions each.
Intake interview: it is important to complete an assessment with the couple to get to know each other and what
issues or needs are presented. A screening for stress and other psychosocial or personal issues will be completed. The
couple has the choice of continuing in focused counseling for each partner or together. The choice of the premarital
program can be part of an overall counseling plan.
The four lessons or sections are:
A. Family of Origin: sharing the details of where I came from and how I grew up.
This section is focused on how well the couple knows each other. It starts with a family of origin behavior checklist,
which is intended to help identify family or growing-up issues that might need attention. Then the couple completes a
family tree and a “floor plan” of the house they grew up in. These exercises are intended to be an enjoyable way to
expedite talking about their childhood history and the impact it had on them. [This section may take more than one session.]
B. Assumptions and expectations about our relationship.
In this section, the couple studies what it means for them to have differing assumptions and expectations about their
relationship. One worksheet session focuses on day-to-day expectations; and another worksheet focuses on how each
partner sees himself or herself and each other. [This section may also take more than one session.]
C. How to speak your mind from your heart.
In this section the couple learns how to stop criticizing and to complain instead. This is a technique to teach skills to “stop
and think” before reacting. The couple practices this technique at home and in the therapist’s office. Focus and practice is
on how to turn “hard or harsh statements into softened statements.” This section actually has the couple doing what they
need to learn in order to have a good relationship, how to “speak your mind from your heart.”
D. Turning Harsh situations into opportunities for intimacy.
Here the couple gets more actual practice and experience talking on a deeper level with each other. They learn some tools
for effective relationship communication; “how to examine ourselves in situations,” and how to “talk on a feeling level.”
These are tools for “how to turn harsh situations into opportunities for intimacy,” a model that is essential for intimate
relationships.
Click on Marriage and Couples Counseling for more info about couples therapy.
Paul Lohkamp
This is a brief counseling program (6-8 sessions) for engaged couples or couples wishing to improve their new
relationship. The program provides an intake or evaluation along with four lessons or sections, which will take one or two
sessions each.
Intake interview: it is important to complete an assessment with the couple to get to know each other and what
issues or needs are presented. A screening for stress and other psychosocial or personal issues will be completed. The
couple has the choice of continuing in focused counseling for each partner or together. The choice of the premarital
program can be part of an overall counseling plan.
The four lessons or sections are:
A. Family of Origin: sharing the details of where I came from and how I grew up.
This section is focused on how well the couple knows each other. It starts with a family of origin behavior checklist,
which is intended to help identify family or growing-up issues that might need attention. Then the couple completes a
family tree and a “floor plan” of the house they grew up in. These exercises are intended to be an enjoyable way to
expedite talking about their childhood history and the impact it had on them. [This section may take more than one session.]
B. Assumptions and expectations about our relationship.
In this section, the couple studies what it means for them to have differing assumptions and expectations about their
relationship. One worksheet session focuses on day-to-day expectations; and another worksheet focuses on how each
partner sees himself or herself and each other. [This section may also take more than one session.]
C. How to speak your mind from your heart.
In this section the couple learns how to stop criticizing and to complain instead. This is a technique to teach skills to “stop
and think” before reacting. The couple practices this technique at home and in the therapist’s office. Focus and practice is
on how to turn “hard or harsh statements into softened statements.” This section actually has the couple doing what they
need to learn in order to have a good relationship, how to “speak your mind from your heart.”
D. Turning Harsh situations into opportunities for intimacy.
Here the couple gets more actual practice and experience talking on a deeper level with each other. They learn some tools
for effective relationship communication; “how to examine ourselves in situations,” and how to “talk on a feeling level.”
These are tools for “how to turn harsh situations into opportunities for intimacy,” a model that is essential for intimate
relationships.
Click on Marriage and Couples Counseling for more info about couples therapy.
Paul Lohkamp